Sketching 13

Collages are super fun to make. Sometimes I just randomly grab images I have collected in a folder and try to make something with them. I really like how this one turned out.

Sketching 12

I really like those lattice shapes. I want to do more with them. They're just really fun to draw.

Sketching 11

More microbiology inspired sketches. I'm a little behind in scanning these--this drawing is from December of last year.

Starting a new business

I finally stopped talking, and took the plunge today, setting up an Etsy shop. I've been batting the idea around for a few years now, never getting to the point where I actually made the effort to put my words into action. It was always something I'd do "someday," or "when I have the time," or whatever. I had plenty of excuses for why NOW was never a good time. It'd come up in conversation, and I'd list out my ideas and plans, brainstorming as I went....but it never led to anything concrete.

I'm really good at making work but not much selling it. I've probably got over 50 paintings and collages sitting in my parents' basement right now (and another dozen or two stalled works-in-progress). I had a full time retail job for four and a half years that sucked away too much of my energy and focus. By the time I'd get home from work, I'd be too tired to do more than poke around in my studio for a bit. I only had time to work in bits and pieces. I was actually pretty productive, but just didn't have the mental energy to focus on setting up my art as a business.

And then last year, I totally fell off the art making wagon. I barely made anything of consequence in 2012. I wasn't feeling very motivated artistically, and it didn't help that my job was taxing my energy levels more and more. You only have so much to go around when you live with chronic health issues. Then, I started dating Colin, which was absolutely life changing...but I had a decision to make. I had to decide where I was going to focus my energy. Art? Or my relationship? I wasn't going to commit to both and then half-ass it. I knew I had to really commit to one and let the other slide (for a time). I chose Colin. Which turned out well:

photo by Steve Coleman

So, we got married in February, and I quit my job right before our wedding. I didn't have a plan for what I would do next, but I knew I couldn't keep working in retail. I didn't have another job lined up, but after talking with Colin at length about it, we decided that would be the best course of action. My knees, legs and feet were hurting all the time. On my days off, I always had to ration my energy and turn down doing anything that was too draining.
When I quit, I suddenly felt amazing. I felt so energetic and alive--it was quite a dramatic change!

After settling into married life, getting our new apartment in order and just adjusting to a new life, I started job hunting. I've been applying to jobs since February, landing a few interviews here and there, but no solid leads. The market is still competitive, especially for the entry level office positions I've been applying for.

In my free time, I've been getting back into making art more regularly again. But living in a one bedroom apartment, I have less art creating space and need to be more intentional about my projects. I've already finished one street art project in the last couple months. It was a simple, small series and didn't take long to make and distribute. I wanted to settle into my next big, long term project, but didn't want to clutter up my apartment with artwork collecting dust. And I was ready to transition away from the assemblages I'd been making since college. I had started feeling like I was just repeating myself; my work didn't feel like it was evolving or going in any new directions. Being without a job and a lot of free time on my hands, I'd been feeling a bit directionless over the last couple months.

And then my older brother sent me over 50 small boards (about 4inx6in) as a wedding present (art materials are always a great gift!). A small germ of an idea started growing, and I realized now would be the perfect time to finally create that Etsy shop. Here was a chance to challenge myself to work in a more simple and pared down style so that I could make paintings with a more affordable price point.

So I've spent the majority of the day setting up my shop and listing items. I feel really confident in what I've done so far. It's time for me to stop saying, "someday" and starting putting my ideas into action.

You can check out my Etsy shop to browse through more pictures of what I have for sale: http://www.etsy.com/shop/AbstractAmbience

Petri Dish Street Art Series

It's been far too long since I hashed out a street art idea to completion....well, actually any art project for that matter. Over the last year, I've been doodling a lot and jotting things down in my sketchbook...but I haven't actually finished much work. This week that's going to change.

A box of a couple dozen heavy duty glass disc things came my way a while back. I knew they were too awesome to pass up (especially since they were free!), but didn't have any idea what to do with them at the time. They've been stuffed away in my parents' basement until just a few days ago, when I was picking up some more of my art materials. That box of potential has been in the back of my mind for a while--I was just mulling over the possibilities of what I might do with these glass objects. 

Behold, the Petri Dish series! 

Petri Dish #2

Colin actually suggested that name, and it's perfect. The glass circles reminded me of looking through a microscope. And I like microbiological lifeforms, especially creating art that looks like those microbes out of craft supplies.
So, in the next couple weeks, I'll finish creating these and send them out into the wide world. If you want one, just let me know, otherwise you'll have to keep your eyes peeled while out and about in the Twin Cities.

Petri Dish #4

Sketching 10

Investigating microbiology organisms more. They're always so colorful in textbooks too.

Jewelry ideas

I've been asked by many different people whether I make jewelry. I never really felt any inspiration because most of my ideas had already been done and much better than I could do. But I've sketched out lots of ideas. I drew some recently that I decided to try to actually make.

I get a lot of my inspiration at work

Cardboard is plentiful at my job, so that's the material I chose for my first go at it. It's easy to work with and if something doesn't work out, it's not a huge loss.

Attempt 2

Attempt 1

I wore this one at work the next day.

I figured out that I need to paint both sides--more mileage out of the same piece! Also, I'm going to coat these in resin so they're more durable. I wore the second necklace all day at work, and it held up really well.

It was really fun playing around, and I'm definitely going to make more! 

Collage 3

More collage fun! 

Collage 2

Same collage, two different color choices. Sometimes I just like to see if the composition holds up if I take the colors away. Color can distract from poor layout. I actually like both of these a lot--the colored one for the bright popping hues, and the sepia one just has a completely different feel even though it's the same image.

Collage 1

A pen pal friend of mine sent me a small sketchbook to fill up and send back to him. It's kind of like what I did with the Sketchbook Project a couple years ago, except this is just for one person. I haven't gotten very far on this book though--life has gotten surprisingly full of late, in a good way.

Anyways, this is a collage I put together earlier today (it's page 19, so it's not like I've been completely slacking off). I usually make pretty detailed, complex collages, so it's fun to try to make very pared down, simple ones. I've always enjoyed creating these--I find it very relaxing, especially all the time it takes to cut out all the pictures. People sometimes just assume it's a print or something I've put together in Photoshop, because I can make the edges really seamless. Nope, all done by hand. I've just given myself a lot of practice over the years cutting very delicately with scissors and exacto blades.

Envisioning the future

I'm in the middle of a week off from work right now and have been taking the time to think about what's next for me. I thought it'd be good to devote some time to sit down, look at what I've been doing the last couple years and where I want to be headed in the next 12 months.

I enjoy creating art and trying out new ideas in my paintings, but it's incredibly difficult to pay the bills from that. And I have zero interest in being a graphic designer (which apparently, according to some people, is the only "real job" you can get if you're interested in art). I really love teaching, but it hasn't been a consistent gig for me. And I'd start to feel claustrophobic after awhile, being in a classroom every day. I like a little more variety. Thoughts like this have been running through my head with more frequency, and I was just feeling frustrated trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. 

It's easy in the midst of day-to-day life and work to just go from task to task and lose sight of my passions. I need to remind myself to keep my goals big and not condense my plans to a little bubble. I hadn't realized how small and unfocused my world had gotten lately until I started reading through this book a few days ago:

And I got some For Dummies titles too

It's been really eye opening so far, just writing down my values and what I like and don't like doing. I'm one of those people who enjoys making lists and filling my head with all kinds of informational tidbits. What I'm not so good at is actually doing something with all of that material. There's not much point to learning something new and insightful if it doesn't change anything about your life. I can't just keep writing down and talking about what I hope to do or want to pursue. I've actually got to put my plans into action. There is so much wasted potential in this world, and I don't want to be one of those people who could have done something great but was too lazy or scared to try.

But the hard part has been visualizing what I want to do with my passions and interests. It's all well and good to say, "I want to do something I enjoy," but without a goal to pursue, there's no direction or drive behind it. I also like having money, so I want a job that I can actually support myself with. But there's so many different avenues I could go down and particular passions I could pursue. However, I don't want to isolate just one facet of myself; I'd really like to involve all my strengths and interests.

So the exercise I did this morning was especially insightful. In Chapter 5, you're asked to write out your day five years from now. And it starts with simple things, seemingly mundane moments: What time do you wake up? What's your bedroom look like? What do you see when you look out the window? What do you hear?
At first, you think, "What does this have to do with a job, finding the career I want to pursue?" But as you go through the questions, you realize that you can't just compartmentalize your life into separate segments--"Work" over here, "Home" over there, one not affecting the other.

I ended up typing a whole page and haven't even answered every question so far. And as I was mulling over the answers, I was really struck with how small and safe I've been living my life lately.

I say I believe in a big God, and yet how does my life reflect that? I say I want my life to be like Jesus'....but do I really?  I settle for surfing the Internet and browsing Facebook, filling hours with nothing of importance, making excuses: "I'm too tired...I'll get to that tomorrow....Next week will be better to finish that...I'm not in the mood right now...Oh, that's so much work, I don't know if I can do that..." and blah blah blah.

Do I really, truly believe that God is Who He says He is? If I'm honest with myself, I know what Jesus said his followers' lives should look like...but I'm not living it. Life is not easy, I know that, but am I pushing through the obstacles or just using those roadblocks as an excuse to not try?

Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." It's tempting to only look at the second sentence, and get indignant that life isn't going my way. But the first part of that verse reminds us that living a full life requires effort and work, that there will be many obstacles to overcome to pursue what we love. Not that there might be hardships, there will be; it's a fact.

My dreams--the ideas that I've only shared with a few because they seem so audacious, so amazing, so big--will only ever be just that if I don't step out in faith, being bold, remembering that God has called me to something bigger than what I'm currently living. It's scary though. I like being comfortable. I like ease, I don't like having to lean on anyone else, trusting they will come through for me. I like to be my own savior. But if I keep on that path, nothing will ever happen. And that's not the life I want.

Sketching 1

Here's a peek into my sketchbook. I just drew this the other day. I'm trying out some new ideas, just figuring out how I might incorporate micro-organisms into my work. Also, I'm trying to be more loose when I draw and letting things be more organic and less uptight.

Reading and writing

I just finished reading Fair Game by Patricia Briggs the other day. Briggs has been one of my favorite authors ever since I discovered her books a few years ago. The only problem with finding an author you really like is having to wait months and years for the next book. YEARS. Well, in her case, she puts out a new title once a year, but she trades off between two series. I buy every single thing she gets published, and I don't wait until the new ones show up at work. I will actually *gasp* pay full price (or close to it). And I'm pretty picky on what I will buy to take up valuable real estate on my book shelf. I only purchase titles I know I'll re-read, going back to the story again and again. Otherwise, a one-time read is what the library is for. I don't need to own every title I've read.

Anyways, reading Briggs' books always gets me to pondering about writing a book myself (not necessarily a fantasy story though). I've just always had the dream to get a book published someday....about something. So specific, I know. But I feel like I can express myself fairly well in writing, and as I've gotten older, actually have (I hope) worthwhile things to say.

As a teen, I penned the requisite angsty poetry. The majority of the poems were crap, though there's a small handful that I'm still proud of. A friend suggested I hang onto even the crappy ones, so they're all saved on an external hard drive just in case I ever feel the urge to look at them again (I doubt it). I had a blog on Blogspot, back in the day when that was still new. Once upon a time, I also had Myspace and Xanga accounts as well. Thankfully, I deleted all of those a long time ago. I'm not interested in my adolescent ramblings hanging out on the web forever. I'm happy with some things about myself just fading away with time.

During college, I had to write innumerable papers and essays and was focusing on making art. Writing was just very formulaic at that point: introductory paragraph, supporting paragraphs, conclusion. I just punched in the information and generally got an A. I didn't think I had anything personal to say in words. I was trying to find myself in art making.

I've grown up a little bit and feel like I actually have thoughts worth sharing these days. However, I find it hard to focus on painting and writing well at the same time. Both require so much brain power and effort, I think it's an either/or thing for me. For example, if I'm working on a blog post, I don't usually end up painting on the same day. Maybe they both are drawing upon the same part of my brain, I don't know.

I primarily view myself as an artist who occasionally delves into writing. But I've been inspired by Patricia Briggs to try my hand at being an author a little bit more. That's kind of why I started this blog. I already had an art blog I maintain semi-regularly, but I also felt the urge to share more personal things that don't just fit into the category of art. I'm not sure where I'm going with it, or if it'll even lead anywhere. But I may as well try.

This year I feel like God has been pressing on my heart to be more open with who I am in a more public way. "Be bold" is my theme for 2012. So, that's why I'm writing on here. I'm not doing this to simply gain readers (though it's always nice to see page views that aren't just from friends and family). It's an exercise in pushing myself out of my comfort zone and not worrying about what others think of me. Not really sure what will come of my blogging, but it's fun and a good way to discipline myself by committing to post about something sort of regularly.

Ripples

Little actions can have big ripple effects. This is something that came to mind today. An off-hand comment, a smile instead of a frown, listening instead of jumping in to speak. It's the small things that we don't even recall that  can have the most impact on others.

I gave a dandelion to a little boy at church once, and apparently it made it his day. I don't even remember doing that, but my Mom mentioned it to me years later that he just thought that was awesome. He said he wanted to be kind like that too when he was older.

When I was little, I once punched a boy at church and shoved him so he fell on the floor and hit his head. All I remember is that we didn't like each other, and I thought he was a little snot. I was quite the firebrand as a kid. And after that, he was even meaner (hmmm, I wonder why?).

There is so much I don't remember about my life (and I'm not even 25 yet). How many people have I treated like the first boy? And how many more like the second? It's a lot easier from me to give in to being mean than taking that higher road of kindness. And it's not always in what I do...my thoughts can be so condemning and critical, cutting down the people unawares around me. That affects how I view them and subsequently treat them. Do I see that person as an annoyance, a bother, something to deal with as quickly as possible so I can get back to what I really want to be doing? Or do I remember that God loves them exactly as He loves me? I'm no better in God's eyes than the shabby homeless guy that comes into my store for a hot cup of coffee. He loves us the same. That's a humbling reminder. We're all on the same level before God.

It's so easy to live inside my own head, viewing the world in relation to how I feel, what I want, what I think. Looking at people as something to be used, to meet my needs. If someone annoys me or gets on my nerves, they're inconveniencing me. It's all about me, and it doesn't matter who they are or what they're going through.
And it's especially easy to reduce people to this working in retail. They're a transaction to ring through, not a person. The little bothers here and there build up, and in my eyes, everyone that walks through the door is a moron, giving me justification to look down on them. I'm so much smarter, more observant, more understanding, whatever. And those little opportunities that arise for a small kindness are spurned.

It's not about customer service, fulfilling my job duties at Half Price, it's about having a servant's heart like Jesus, living out my faith when push comes to shove in the daily grind. The strength of my faith isn't forged in the momentous occasions--it's one small thought and action after another that builds into a life that's truly great. And I fail so often in this.

It's easy to be Christian when people are watching and I'm in the spotlight. Ooh, look at me serving in the homeless shelter, volunteering at the elementary school, sharing my testimony at small group. But what about when there's no around, like when it's that really annoying old lady who won't shut up and I just don't want to smile at her? Or I'm tempted to slack off at work because I feel like it doesn't really matter?

God tells me to do everything for Him, even the seemingly stupid and mundane things. Because I don't know how He's using me or when He's speaking through me. God likes to speak in a still, small voice at times, using the most unlikely mouths to proclaim His Truth to the most unlikely people. He knows the ultimate path a single kind word can travel down or what is wrought by a small act of kindness.

I so want to remember this, not at the end of day when I'm musing online, but in the moment when I need to act. And that it would come from the natural overflow of a loving heart and not just because I'm "supposed to" act that way. Because that's just empty religiosity and nobody needs that.

The Elephant Room Round 2: Church

I shared my initial impression about the Elephant Room Round 2 last week, and have had time to mull over the things that stuck out to me. I jotted down some pithy insights and great one liners from all the pastors that attended. I'm going to devote a blog to each quote and how it impacted me.

A bit of a caveat before I begin: I'm not going to nitpick or criticize--that has been done to death enough elsewhere on the interwebs. I don't need to pick at so-called theological fallacies or whatever. I'm going to focus on the positive and edifying things I learned and leave the negativity to others. Sure, I didn't agree with everything everyone said, but I'm not going to throw out the baby with the bath water. My goal is to expound on the truths that spoke to me personally. I stick with a micro focus on this blog, not a macro one. Write what you know, right? I know me and my heart and that's what I feel qualified to pontificate about. Anyways.

Pastor Jack Graham

Jack Graham caught me with this line during the first discussion about denominations:

"Most people don't show up looking for the Baptist church, the Methodist church. They show up looking for the Jesus church."

I feel like this hits squarely on the head something that has bothered me over the years. The argument over denominations and which one is "better" is a family issue. In that I mean, if you're not a Christian, it seems silly and can be rather confusing. To someone who's not a believer, Baptists and Lutherans look pretty much the same; telling them that one is better than the other is like telling a non-sports fan that the Vikings are better than the Packers. "They both wear spandex and play football. The only difference to me is one wears green and yellow and the other purple and yellow." If you're not part of the club, you just don't care. It's trying to teach someone Calculus before they've mastered Algebra. If the basics aren't covered, how on earth are you supposed to grasp consecutive issues?

And the debate about denominations shouldn't be the point. You don't invite someone to become an Episcopalian. Or accept Luther into their heart. Or pray to Calvin. To re-word what Graham said, people come to church looking for Jesus not theologians. First and foremost, church should be about Jesus. His love, his sacrifice for our sins, his death and resurrection. He is Lord, God, Savior, Healer, Comforter...Friend. Jesus said Christians are supposed to be known by our love. Not our debates. Not our theological differences. Not name calling and questioning others' faith. That at the end of the day, the body of Christ, the church, can lay aside our differences and be a family. In a family, you don't necessarily like each other all the time, you might snap and quarrel with each other....but underneath the temporary flared emotions, you are bound together and truly love each other. Just because one of my sisters says something I don't agree with doesn't mean she's not part of the family. I don't question whether my brother is truly related to me if he does something I wouldn't do. (I know that metaphor only goes so far, but if someone says they believe Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, and are working to live out their faith, there's room for disagreement on open handed issues)

My best friend is Lutheran and I lean towards Baptist, I guess, though I was raised in a non-denominational church. We both call ourselves Christian and love Jesus. If we're going to talk about our faith to a non-believer, Jesus and his love gets top billing. Just writing this post has been a good reminder for me to keep my focus on Jesus first and not secondary, lesser issues.

The Elephant Room Round 2: Initial thoughts

Nice logo design by the way.

I was at Grace Church of Eden Prairie for the majority of the day today, watching a live simulcast of The Elephant Room Round 2. I'm so glad I took the day off from work and went, because it was so edifying. I was surprised, convicted, encouraged. I jotted down so many amazing quotes from all the speakers, but especially T.D. Jakes. I actually went because I listen to Mark Driscoll's sermons regularly, but T.D. Jakes is the one who really made me think today. Man, does that guy have a lot of insight and wisdom! He throws out these one liners that encapsulate what would take another preacher paragraphs. I really hadn't heard him speak before, beyond seeing him briefly on TBN when channel flipping. He just blew my mind with the truth he spoke. It's not like it was anything new to me, but just the way he worded it made me see things in a new light.

Bishop T.D. Jakes pwned it today.

One of his quotes that stuck out to me the most was when he was discussing race and segregation in the church: "You can't integrate the church until you've integrated your heart." I mean, just think about that. It gets right to the crux of the issue--it's not about out there, what we need to do as a church or culture...it starts with one person: me and the state of my heart. Convicting and encouraging: I can't point fingers, I have to work on myself, but at the same time, all I have to worry about is one person and not what everybody else is thinking and doing.

And that's just from ONE sentence from one of the seven pastors that participated! There's so much that I took in today, I'm going to have to let it marinate for a few days and process it all. I'm going to break my thoughts into multiple blogs, because there was so much I gleaned from this conference. I jotted down a lot of great quotes, which I will use as a spring board to further the discussion I got to listen to today. And I'm sure they'll be posting video clips again this year, so I'll try to find those to share with you as well.

The biggest thing I took away from The Elephant Room, beyond all the different issues and questions, is that as Christians we need to be able to sit down together and discuss issues that we disagree on and still love each other at the end of it. If Mark Driscoll and T.D. Jakes can debate and learn from each other, the rest of us can too.

Coming soon....

My next street art project is going to make use of these: 

shiny!

The idea came to me while I was eating breakfast this morning. It's either going to be really awesome... or really dumb. Hopefully the first option.