Friday, January 24, 2014

Searching for something to say

I've pretty much given up blogging regularly for over a year now. Over the years I have started and abandoned more blogs than I care to count. I always start strong, but grow discouraged and give up. I'll read the stuff I've posted from a while back and be amazed at what I've written. Was that really me? I typed that insight with such clarity? Where did I find the words? It's like reading the musings of a different person. I feel so inept at conveying what's in my head. I look back at those old posts and marvel...wondering from what depths I drew.

And then there's always something in me that says I don't have anything worth sharing anyways. That my voice is not unique. That I am merely throwing my words out into the wind of the Web with no impact. So even if I come up with something particularly insightful, who will actually read it? Like a grain of sand on a beach, who is going to be able to see that one speck amidst all the others? What's the point of putting in the effort?

Also, I'm lazy. I lack motivation to sit down and write. I have every intention of posting something new...but Facebook, DeviantArt, Etsy, some interesting time suck of a site distracts me. And then it's been a week, a month, a year, over a year....and it's been so long why should I even bother?

And yet....there's something else in me that pushes me to write, to hit the "Publish" button, to share my new creation with the world. I put it out there, hoping that maybe someone will come along and read and be changed for the better.

I don't know, but I'm going to try. To struggle to gather my thoughts. To make the effort to write them down. To post something, anything. I don't want to abandon yet another project.