Year in review part 1: Family

The holiday season is upon us, and one of its many traditions: the Christmas letter. Usually it's subtle (or boldly overt) showing off: Timmy's soccer team won the championship! Bobby graduated valedictorian! Susy won a gold medal! Whatever. Not that sharing your family's accomplishments is a bad thing, but all the awesome gets lumped into one page or card sent at the end of the year. I prefer to hear about the good things as they happen, to share in the joy. And when crap happens, I want to be there for my friends to help in their time of trouble.

So, this is my Christmas letter/blog, but I'm not here to just toot my own horn and show off how awesome I am. I want to review this past year, the good and the bad, to show how good God has been. On Christmas Eve for many years, I've had a conversation with God that I journal. I reflect on the past 12 months, and thank Him for his goodness and grace in my life. I think about the hard stuff I endured and the joys I got to experience. The friends gained...and lost. I notice when a stage of my life has ended, and thank God for it and look forward to the next chapter. I mull over what the theme of my coming year will be.

At the end of last December, I felt that 2011 would be the year of relationships: forging new ones, renewing and fortifying my existing friendships, drawing closer to family, seeking to know Jesus more personally. And that was the theme for this year in many ways.

I feel closer to my family, celebrating our inside jokes and shared silliness. We revel in being weird and laughing, because we know that life can really suck sometimes. My parents continue to love God, each other and our family, living that out in every circumstance. They celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this year! I like to sit in the kitchen and talk about whatever with my Mom. I enjoy taking my Dad out to eat, because he's good company too. I'm so blessed to have such loving parents who are so involved in my life and care not just for my physical needs but also spiritual.

Hannah and I continue to share a room, dealing with limited closet space and different definitions of what "tidy" means. ;) Though it's fun to be able to raid each other's clothes when we have "nothing to wear." Hannah is a junior at the University of Minnesota, and will be studying abroad in New Zealand next semester. She's been praying and trusting God to provide all the money she stills needs as she's been filling out scholarship after scholarship.

Leah is going on over four years at Starbucks as a barista. Within the last couple months, she landed a job at First Avenue in downtown Minneapolis. If you don't know, First Ave is one of the premier clubs in the whole country! It's the perfect place to continue pursuing her calling in the music industry. She's also the manager for a band called Cosmonaut. I think God's going to be taking her some interesting places over the next year, that's for sure!

It's been rough year for Andrew to say the least. He's lived with Chronic Granulomatous Disease (CGD) his whole life, which is tough enough. But he was also diagnosed with Celiac Disease in 2008, and over the last year and a half has been battling Inflammatory Bowel Disease. His insides are all kinds of messed up. Much prayer for his recovery would be very appreciated. But no pity please. I don't want to define him simply by his diseases though. He is Mr. Technology: he's a hardcore gamer and wants to work for Game Informer magazine someday. I took him on a tour of my alma mater, Northwestern College, earlier this year...which was super weird for me. I used to change his poopy diapers....and now he's almost ready for college! Craziness. There is hope on the horizon for his CGD as well: a bone marrow transplant can cure it, and we're currently in the process of seeing if one of us siblings is a match. Please pray that one of us is, because that would be AWESOME! You have no idea what that would mean for Andrew, to be cured from this thing he's had to deal with since he was a baby.

My older brother, Nate, just got back from his third deployment to Iraq earlier this week. He's also been to Afghanistan twice. I'm happy he got home safe and sound. We're all excited to spend Christmas with him and hang out. He's going to be stationed in Hawaii for a while, so I might have to go out there for a visit.

For the first time in years, my whole family got to visit with my grandparents earlier this year. It was super fun to have us all there and celebrate my grandma and grandpa 60 years of marriage. I really like hanging out with my extended family.

At the end of May, my sisters and I embarked on a two week cross country road trip. I'm pretty sure that'll be the only time just the three of us travel together like that, and we had a lot of fun. Hannah and I both were sick for most of it, but we didn't let that slow us down. We drove to Omaha, Nebraska to visit our aunt and uncle, then down to Arizona to stay with our dear friends the Barnes family. We had much fun and merriment at their house. It was hard to come home after being so pampered. It was definitely a good time. Along the way, I left Doily Ninjas in every state. Leah was kind enough to document where I left them, and my Facebook is full of their pictures. And of course, we had to have a couple photo shoots too. This is my favorite from the trip. That's Hannah and I jumping in front of an awesome sunset in the middle of nowhere in Colorado.

So my family definitely experienced ups and downs this year, but God has been good and gracious to us. It's exciting to think where He's going to lead us in the next 12 months. I'm thankful for each of them and our deep love for each other. We actually like being around each other (most of the time).

Next up, Part 2: Friends 

Christmas Car Crash

Three years ago, just two days after I graduated from Northwestern College, I got in a horrible car accident on my way to work. It was a very cold day--a freeze-your-nose-hairs-when-you-breath kind of cold.
This was before I had my own car, so I normally would have driven the Saturn that my sisters and I were sharing. But that day, Leah had to work at the same time as I did, so my Dad let me use his Impala. It was icy and a little slippery as I set out, but it didn't seem unusual for Minnesota in December. I got on the highway, driving very slowly due to the ice on the road.

As I was going along, I saw a car that had spun out up ahead. Being the conscientious driver that I am, I moved over the the left lane to give the driver more room (in MN, you're supposed to move over away from cars on the shoulder). Well, I changed lanes right into the same black ice that guy had just spun out on.
I was only going about 35 mph, but I hit sheer ice and lost control of the car. Thankfully at that moment there were no cars around me. I spun around and around, headed straight for that other car. All I remember seeing was the front of that vehicle as I smashed into it.

BAM!!

I think I might have blacked out for a moment, because I couldn't hear or see anything for what was probably only a few seconds. I just remember hearing the crazy, insane beating of my heart, and then slowly, my hearing faded back in and I could hear the Celtic Woman CD still playing in the stereo. I had impacted on the driver's side of my car. I took a mental inventory of myself -- I was okay. Nothing felt broken. The airbags hadn't gone off. I looked down and saw that the seat was smooshed in. If that chair hadn't been so wide and taken all the impact, I definitely wouldn't have walked away so easily. I looked to my left and realized that the door was punched in, like a giant fist had smashed into it. But strangely, the top of the door was leaning away from me. The window hadn't even broken. My left thigh started hurting, and I realized that it had smacked into the steering wheel. Without even thinking about it, I put the car in park, and took the CD out and put it back in its case (it was from the library and I didn't want it to get scratched--funny what your brain focuses on in moments like that).
The other driver came running over as I was shakily taking stock of myself. Thank goodness, he hadn't been in his car when I hit. He had the same kind of Saturn that I would normally have been driving, and it was completely totaled. It looked like a giant had crumbled it up. All I could think was, "If I had been driving the Saturn, I would not be okay right now." Impalas are a much more heavy-duty vehicle than the chintzy Saturn.

When I crawled out on the passenger's side and walked around to see the damage, I was shocked. My car was totaled too, though not so bad off as the other vehicle; the frame was bent, the door was deeply punched in, the windshield had huge spider web cracking. My heart still was going a mile a minute, I could barely breath and I couldn't stop shaking.

I went to the hospital and got an X-ray of my leg, just be safe, but it wasn't broken, just spectacularly bruised. Thankfully, my Dad had full coverage on his Impala and got a new car pretty quickly. I went back to work two days later, with a sore leg and head ache.

It took me a little longer to get back on that highway though. It was hard to get behind the wheel after that. I wish I had a picture to show you of the accident, it was pretty spectacular. I had a slight panic attack the first time I drove after the accident. It was still winter, I still had to go to work and I couldn't have someone else drive me forever. Thankfully, I can just as easily take city streets as the highway to get to work, which is what I did for the next month.

Not giving into fear either

Three years later, I still get a tight feeling in my chest when the first heavy snow and hard freeze hits, and I have to drive in it. I have to remind myself to relax and breathe, and that within a couple weeks I'll be driving just fine in this weather. I push through the fear, because I don't want to be captive to the past. I'm going to live my life, which means I have to drive around the city year round. I refuse to let that bad experience hold me back from doing fun things. The fear is there, yes, but I won't give in to it. I'm definitely more cautious than I used to be when it comes to winter driving, however I don't freak out over every little slip and slide. Seriously, it's MinneSNOWta, the majority of the year it's cold and snowy here.

The weather today is what prompted this post--it's cold and icy. And I drove on the highway "like a baller," as my tattoo artist likes to say. (which means, awesomely)

NOvember

One finished painting so far this month

My art work tends to come in batches, like waves. There are times where I produce work like crazy (summer especially). Winter is actually a pretty productive time too--here in Minnesota, you hunker down and work on something during the long cold months when you really don't want to go outside unless you have to. But I also have seasons where I don't really make that much. And my down time of the year, for some reason, is November. I don't know what it is about this month, but my artistic output tends to be fairly low year in and year out. Maybe because it's an in-between time, not really fall but not yet winter. I think it's my body's way of telling me to take a break before the cold really hits and get some rest before the holidays roll around.
It used to bother me that I couldn't push through it and just get on with beavering away at art making. I felt guilty, as if I was failing at being an artist. I've come to realize that this natural lull is beneficial. As an American, I tend to look down on rest and relaxation as laziness or wasting time. But we humans aren't designed to constantly be on the go. God even told us to quit working and take a break every week: "Six days shall you work, but on the seventh you shall rest." Thank you, God, for reminding us silly creatures that we shouldn't run ourselves to exhaustion. So now I try to embrace my natural tendency to slow down in November. I use it to reflect on what I've been doing so far in the year and what project I want to focus on over the winter months. I tend to read more, reconnect and catch up with friends, visit galleries and museums--it's creative input rather than output. I've got to feed the artistic well to draw from it later. 

It's also a reminder that there's more to life than making art. Yes, I love it and it's what I'm passionate about. I always feel happiest when I'm in the middle of a mess that will transform into finished pieces. But I also need to step away from the art supplies and engage with other human beings. It's easy to become a hermit, making art can be such a solitary endeavor. At the end of the day though, I need people in my life to give me perspective. I am not ultimately defined by my art, it's separate from who I am as a person. I need to cultivate other interests as well, for my benefit and others. I don't want to be that person who can only talk about art, and is at a loss for words when any other topic comes up. I need to be a well rounded nerd (which I am--ask me about Batman or Lord of the Rings or Settlers of Catan, etc, etc). 

Fa la la la BLAH!

Make it stop, dear God, please make it stop!

I'm no Scrooge, but there should be a law against Christmas music being played before Thanksgiving. I work in retail and it's audio abuse during the holidays. I'm there 40 hours a week, and we're supposed to listen to Christmas music the majority of the time between Black Friday and December 24. Even if you really, really like a certain genre of music, I don't think you'd want to listen to it 40 hours a week for over a month straight. And the customers don't like it anymore than the employees do. Seriously, what makes stores think that people want to linger in a business with "DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY!! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAA!!!" blasting overhead? Nobody likes it, and yet stores keep playing it every year. It's not nostalgic, it's annoying. That does not encourage anyone to shop. That encourages me to get a headache. That's why online shopping is awesome. Seriously, if stores want me (and people like me) to give them business: no loud stupid Christmas songs; silence would be much preferable over having to hear yet another lousy cover of Jingle Bells. Otherwise, Amazon is getting my money. It's quiet, fast and I can shop in my pajamas without leaving home.

And it is NOT "the most happiest time of the year" for those of us who work in retail wonderland. I don't know what it is, but people feel like it's their right to treat the person behind the counter like dirt. Like I want to be here anymore than you do, angry psychopath grandma who thinks a rock painting kit is a great gift for a teenager (just buy them a giftcard). I don't want to be at work until 10:30pm on a Friday night, collecting empty coffee cups from the bookshelves (which is not a garbage can, in case you didn't know) and cleaning poop off the bathroom walls (and yes, that is something that has happened at my store...more than once).
I'm really hoping that at this time next year I'll be in grad school and won't have to deal with this anymore.

The only thing that I'm looking forward to about this holiday season is that I get to wear this to work:

That's what will make all the crap I go through worthwhile: I get to don a hat with elf ears and it will be awesome. You know you're jealous